What was on TV? Fri, March 4, 2005

20 years ago, Ryan Reynolds wasn't Deadpool, he wasn't a mogul, he wasn't a movie star. He was just Alanis Morrisette's boyfriend. Let's see what was on TV!

7:00 Avatar: the Last Airbender on Nickelodeon

1x04 "The Warriors of Kyoshi"

This episode covered about a decade of tumblr feminist discourse, and I didn't hate it? We hit all the talking points: emotional labor and the lack of respect for women's work, women can be like guys but they can also be women, men have to be feminist too, it's cool and badass when guys do girly stuff. We really did it all! And still found time to introduce "elephant coi," do two epic action sequences with a sea serpent, introduce this universe's take on Japan, introduce a love interest for Sokka, and do a bunch of silly comedy with Ang's fangirls. Whew!

7:30 Michael Jackson Trial on E!

The Michael Jackson trial was a media circus. That was inevitable, one of the most famous, beloved, and fascinating people on the planet was accused of the worst crime imaginable. And this was a boom time for celebrity trials: the Robert Blake murder trial was underway, and the Phil Spector trial was expected to start soon. The judge banned cameras from the courtroom, but it didn't matter. The trial was covered breathlessly. Macaulay Culkin was testifying, Jay Leno was being deposed, Michael Jackson had the flu, he was wearing pajamas, it all made headline news.

And whatever juicy stuff didn't make the news, you could watch every night on E! E! hired a troupe of actors and provided daily reenactments of the trial. You'd see about a minute of juicy stuff, followed by a punch of commentary from a panel of lawyers and "experts." Today, they analyzed the testimony of the alleged victim's 18-year-old sister. The whole thing is truly stomach-churning. The panel has completely internalized the arguments of the defense and takes it as a given that she's lying. They absolutely rip this girl apart. She's a liar, she's been coached, she's stupid, they throw whatever is convenient at this girl. They have a former lawyer for Jackson spouting talking points and the others mostly go along with him. When the prosecution asks if she ever saw Jackson do anything inappropriate with their brother, that's a leading question, that's manipulative. But when the asks if she was coached to say that "she was young" whenever her story doesn't fit, downright berating her for several questions, it's fine, though that seems like a leading question to me. The whole half-hour trial recap is like that. It is plain whose side they're on, and perhaps that's no surprise given that the likely audience for this thing is Michael Jackson fans. Even 20 years later, that's who's watching the old YouTube videos.

8:00 School of Life (recorded)

This movie is...nuts. David Paymer is a cool teacher, but his dad is the best and coolest teacher. Then he dies in the middle of a graduation speech. David Paymer will now be the cool teacher, right? Enter Ryan Reynolds. He tells the students that he doesn't teach history, he teaches "His and Her Story." He encourages them to cheat. There's an extended scene where he wears a giant American Indian headdress.

Reynolds can do no wrong in the movie's eyes. Which is crazy since his methods are unhinged. And since he's played by Reynolds, he just seems smarmy and insincere, a terrible fit for the caring teacher archetype. And then twist! He's dying?

It is impossible to undersell how bugnuts this movie is. To give you just a taste: David Paymer's wife calls out Ryan Reynolds' name during sex. This is all overheard by their kid. So next time you want to put on a movie you can laugh at with friends: School of Life is on Tubi.

10:00 Battlestar Galactica on Sci-Fi

1x09 "Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down" (record Monk on USA)

This one is a little creaky in the cold light of 2025. It introduces Ellen, Saul Tigh's ridiculous cartoon sex pest of a wife, and before the episode is over she's already made a false accusation of sexual harassment. But even though Ellen's character plays into some vicious and sexist tropes, she still brings the show a welcome jolt of horniness. Even when there is romance and sex on Battlestar, it's always guilty, tortured, fucked up, or a threat the entire human race. And here comes a woman burdened with none of that baggage, all she wants is to get it on. No wonder they all think she's a cylon, she sticks out like a sore thumb.

The whole show could use more of horny Ellen Tigh energy, and I was happy to see some of it seep into the rest of the episode. The sex scene in the lap set to opera is my favorite Gaius and Number Six scene yet. Silly and over the top, and and all the more sexy for being so. Here's to more scenes like it in the future!

What Else Was On

• Fox aired the special "Assembling Robots: The Magic, the Music and the Comedy." I thought this was a sensational special about wacky robots and I was honestly kind of curious! But it's just a commercial for the latest Blue Sky animate movie.
• Megan Fox spent an entire season on the Kelly Ripa sitcom Hope and Faith before Michael Bay put her in Transformers. Tonight, her mom suspects she's sleeping with a teacher. Of course.
• Aaron Paul was on tonight's Joan of Arcadia. If you ever wanted to see Amber Tamblyn try to reform Jesse Pinkman, here you go.

TiVo Status

The Masterpiece Theater miniseries The Lost Prince, a Frontline documentary, the TV movies Sucker Free City, Lackawanna Blues, and Ladies Night, and tw0 episodes of Miracle's Boys, and one episode of Monk. 14 hours total.

Figure Skating, 20 years ago

The field was wide open in the men's event at the 2005 world junior championships. And in stormed Nobunari Oda with his Super Mario Bros. short program. This ball of sunshine with adorable but also very creative and cool choreography and the most gorgeous jumps you'd ever seen.

Two decades after his breakout season, Nobunari Oda (now a father of four!) competed at the recent Japanese National championships. He went clean in his samba short. He is still a ball of sunshine with the more gorgeous jumps in the world. He skated so well that the judges had to tank his scores to make sure he didn't end up on the podium.