What was on TV? Sun, Feb 6, 2005

20 years ago, the NFL, Fox, and all of America prepared for a scandal-free Super Bowl.

Super Bowl: Part I

In what was expected to be a close game, the New England Patriots and Philadelphia Eagles scored a touchdown apiece and were tied going into halftime.

But I don't care about that. Let's talk about the commercials! Here are the nine of the most memorable ones, ranked by how quintessentially 2005 they are.

#10- There was an ad for a sitcom set inside the tobacco industry called "Fair Enough." I was confused: I've encountered the names of most network shows from this season while researching this project. But I don't remember hearing about a black comedy called "Fair Enough." Turns out, this was an ad that attempted to expose the tobacco industry's hypocrisy! A nonprofit called the American Legacy Foundation spent god knows how much money on a Super Bowl spot.

#8 - A Diet Pepsi truck drives Diddy around town. Carson Daly is also there.

#7- Budweiser Select is "only 99 calories." So "pucker up."

#6- An ad for "Blockbuster Online" advertises the company's Netflix copycat DVD-by-mail service. It was too little, too late.

#5- After a piece of animation about a "Mama's Boy Doll" that feels inspired by Team America: World Police, voiceover declares "some men never take risks." Then a tube of Degree for Men deodorant explodes onto the screen.

#4- An ad for Olympus' 2-in-1 digital camera/music player. Everyone dances and has disturbing rubbery arms.

#3 - Everyone and everything—people, bikes, planes, trains, and automobiles—are stuck, running in place. But the Toyota Prius is here to save us!

#2- In an airport, everyone spontaneously stands up and appluads for a group of the US Army. At the end, the words "Anheuser-Busch" appear. Upon googling, I found that they are the parent company of Budweiser, Stella Artois, and several other alcohol brands. But none of those brands are mentioned! This corporation paid millions of dollars for a full minute during the Super Bowl to make sure people knew they support the troops. They didn't even advertise their products.

#1- There were two ads for something called "Napster to Go." One featured people inside a stadium with painted chests, it was made to evoke fan efforts to get on TV that had become common at recent Super Bowls. The second ad featured animation that was plainly inspired by South Park. This marked the second ad that took inspiration from a Trey Parker and Matt Stone project. This was all for a music streaming service that let you download as much as you want. They did the math to prove that it was cheaper than iTunes, but they were about five years too early.

Halftime

featuring Sir Paul McCartney

Available on YouTube

This was the year after the infamous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction, and the fallout had been fierce. The 2004 Halftime show was a naked attempt to recreate the classic 2001 show. It was produced by MTV and full of red-hot stars. It was also an attempt by CBS to shake off its image as a network for old people with the help of their Viacom sibling MTV. But, of course, that backfired thanks to the most consequential wardrobe malfunction in history.

The fallout was immense. The Parents' Television Council and the FCC went crazy, CBS was slapped with a ginormous fine. Everyone blamed each other, but they all predicatably agreed to band together to blame the Black woman. CBS president Les Moonves seethed behind the scenes and did his best to destroy Jackson's career. The entire incident inspired the creation of YouTube, which was about to go live, a year after the incident.

But in the meantime, the NFL had to decide what to do about the next halftime show. MTV and Janet Jackson were banned from future halftime shows, and the NFL wanted to avoid inviting anyone too young and cool and "MTV," anyone else who might possibly create a scandal. And so the Super Bowl Halftime Show entered its geezer era.

The geezer era has its highs and lows. This year counts as a low. Paul McCartney was hired to not create a scandal, and he cleared that bar. He plays a lot of songs from his solo career. Then at the end, he plays "Hey Jude" and everyone sings along, and you wish he'd just played Beatles songs the whole time. The most interesting thing about this Halftime Show is what came before it.

Super Bowl Part II

The Patriots beat the Eagles 24-21, much to the consternation of everyone outside New England. The game is here if you want to watch.

We discussed the ads that were notable for their 2005-nees. But what about the ads notable for being especially clever or especially upsetting?

Worst Ads

#2- Back in 2005, the tinier and lighter your phone was, the better. Verizon touted its tiny cell phones in an ad featuring mini-sized celebrities like Kid Rock and Shaquille O'Neal. Seeing mini-sized people is kind of inherently upsetting. And then Billy Bush shows up? Just bad vibes all around.

#1- In a Tabasco ad, Tabasco sauce infiltrates a Tabasco-branded bikini and gives a lady a sunburn on her boobs and presumably...other areas. Just...horrifying. Why would you put that thought in my brain!

Best Ads

#4- This Cadillac reminds me of a trashy teen thriller of yesteryear, so of course I enjoyed it.

#3- Staples debuted their "that was easy" slogan and easy button logo. It's always strange to realize that something like that was created when I was in middle school. It feels like it's always been there.

#2- Fox scheduled several spots for their various TV shows during the Super Bowl: football players watched American Idol and delcared "I hope they do Barry Manilow week again."An ad for The Simple Life: Interns implied that Paris and Nicole would dump a plane's sewage onto the tarmac. There were ads for House, (the "cure for the common medical drama), Trading Spouses (she expected seven kids, but not a GHOST!), Super Bowl lead-out programs The Simpsons and American Dad, The OC (carefully edited to tease the current queer romance storyline for those in the know, but ensuring the rest of America wouldn't be tipped off), and Arrested Development (guest starring Martin Short!). There were even ads for the new The Shield on sister channel FX (starring Glenn Close!)

But best of all were the spots for 24. The best one was the simplest of all. Numbers faded in in the style of the show's famous opening, but instead of saying "the following takes place between..." the voiceover told us how much a super bowl spot costs and told us that what they just did cost Fox $2.4 million dollars. That's how much they want you to watch 24! It's memorable, brash, exciting, and a little silly. A perfect advertisement for this show.

#1- In this ad for Ameriquest mortgage, a cat ruins date night. It's a truly excellent piece of comedy, and the best ad from Super Bowl 2005.

9:00 Carnivale on HBO

2x04 "Creed, OK"

It's a new episode of Carnivale! This season is moving very fast, so we get some real developments on the mythology front. But I'm always more interested in supporting characters, and my favorite supporting characters are the Dreifuss family and their various love interests. I love a messy romantic storyline, and this is one of the messiest ones I've ever seen. This episode makes it even messier by having Carla Gallo's Libby flirt with Jonesy (Tim DeKay) while rehearsing her part in her family's strip show. This after Jonesy was already in a love triangle with Libby's mom and dad and Sofie (Clea DuVall), and Libby and Sofie also have their own thing going on! Truly, the messiness is something to behold, and this all takes place in a world where sex work and Libby's parents' open marriage, and even Libby and Sofie's bisexuality is totally normalized. If Carnivale comes out a decade later, there are posts on tumblr and thinkpieces on the Mary Sue and on dozens of websites praising its radical approach to sexuality.

What Else Was On

This year, The Simpsons, that old standby, got the coveted post-Super Bowl slot. But after The Simpsons, Fox premiered the new animated series American Dad.

American Dad came from Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. It was advertised as "from the creator of Family Guy." Critics described it as "Family Guy but the dad is in the CIA." Which was weird since Fox had canceled Family Guy. They had revived it after reruns on Adult Swim took off in a major way, but it had yet to return. It's a testament to its huge spike in popularity that Fox not only brought the show back, but greelit another, similar show and gave it such a coveted premiere slot.

TiVo Status

The Masterpiece Theater miniseries He Knew He Was Right and The Lost Prince, plus one episode of Monk. 7 hours total.