What was on TV? Tues, Dec 21, 2004

20 years ago, New York and London were competing to host the 2012 Olympics. I wonder who will win! Let's see what was on TV.

8:30 Malcolm in the Middle

6x06 "Hal's Christmas Gift

Available on Hulu

After a glorious sequence in which Lois totals the family car and Jane Kaczmarek proves once again that she's one of the all-time greats, the family announces that this will be a "handmade Christmas" and no money will be spent. Only when the children's gifts prove shockingly impressive, Hal deems his own gift inadequate and takes the whole family on a drive in search of a Christmas gift that he'll hopefully find along the way. There are tons of great jokes and hijinks. The b-plot is fun too. It feels inspired by fan reactions to the show. Muniz was the lead and the biggest star, but by season six the other brothers were more popular among fans. So in this episode Malcolm is insecure about being left out and being a buzzkill. It's all rock-solid sitcom storytelling, and Lois' parking lot confrontation with a yuppie lady is truly an all-time great scene. At least watch that.

This episode was written by Alex Reid. He has worked extensively in television as both a writer and a director. His credits include episodes of The Middle, Brockmire, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

This episode was directed by David Grossman. Over the course of his eclectic career, he directed everything from the first ever SAG Awards to episodes of MadTV to 52 episodes of Desperate Housewives.

9:00 House on Fox

1x06 "The Socratic Method"

Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime

I have nothing to say about this episode, so I will just say that it is total bullshit that the powers that be did not pony up for the rights to "Teardrop." It's a great opening theme song, and it makes the show better. Boo.

This episode was written by John Mankiewicz. He has written for Miami Vice, Karen Sisco, and the House of Cards.

This episode was directed by Peter Medak. His directing credits include Faerie Tale Theatre, Homicide: Life on the Street, and Hannibal.

10:00 King of the Hill (recorded)`

9x02 "Ms. Wakefield"

Available on Hulu

TV loves a crotchety old lady, especially in a Christmas episode (just look at Cloris Leachman's IMDB page). But this episode offers a truly unique take on the character. Ms. Wakefield grew up in the Hills' house, and now she is old and lonely and all she wants is to die there, in the place where she was happiest. Hank is not on board with this, and alienates his friends and even the local police in his efforts to prevent this lady from either committing suicide or just waiting to die in his house. This is actually the second Christmas episode to tackle right-to-die issues this holiday season, but I prefer this episode's take to ER's grim theatrics. This episode is filled with comedy and action as Ms. Wakefield continually outwits the Hills in her quixotic quest.

The episode ends with Hank giving up the fight, since it's not worth it, especially during the holiday season when all his friends are over. And he figures out that what Ms. Wakefield what Ms. Wakefield really wants is not to die in his house, but rather to be less alone. He offers her a chance to stay at his party and to come over for a cookout, and suddenly she's not so determined to die. Sometimes the fight isn't worth it and a simple act of kindness will solve your problem. It's a very sappy sentiment delivered in a very un-sappy way, which is exactly what you want from a holiday episode.

Late Night

During a "Celebrity Christmas Cards" segment tonight, Conan calls out the audience, who reacted with dismay to a "Kirstie Alley is fat" joke but later laughed at a "Star Jones is fat" joke before he even had a chance to deliver the punchline. Gee, I wonder where this double standard is coming from? (For people who are younger than me/not interested in the history of The View, Star Jones is black).

Conan's relationship with Star Jones humor should be studied. This is not the first time he's called out the audience for laughing at the mere mention of her name. Even when the audience laughs after the punchline, he might remark that they're too easily impressed. When he doesn't do that, he might burst into a rouding rendition of "I'm gonna go to hell when I die."

He obviously hates these jokes. He thinks they're bad, and he hates himself for making them again and again. He's right to hate them. "This woman is Black and fat and she got married, isn't that crazy" is all there is to any of these jokes, Offensive and lazy, every last one. But he keeps making them. They could have stopped! That was always an option. The fact that you obviously know better doesn't make it better, it makes it worse!

What Else Was on

The Kennedy Center honored John Williams, Joan Sutherland, Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis, and Elton John over on CBS.

TiVo Status

The three-hour Masterpiece Theater miniseries The Lost Prince and The Office Christmas Special from across the pond (2 hours), plus a Kurt Browning skating special. 7 hours with 21 hours of space left.